Q&A: Approaching a Girl in a Group of Friends

Question: hey Lindsey how do I ask this girl out who is always and constantly with her friends like almost 100% of the time, you didn't cover that in your blog, its hard enough to approach girls, but how can I get past this even more difficult obstacle

Answer: There's a huge difference when it comes to approaching girls you don't know at all, and approaching girls that you may know of and may have a crush on but have never had the courage to come up and talk to. The reason for this being that when a girl you approach for the first time knows nothing about you, she has no prior thoughts of you because she doesn't know you! So if by chance you ask her out, you basically get a fresh start to make a good impression, and if it turns out that you're not quite her type, then it's easier on both of you because you guys can easily go back to being strangers and not have to deal with it, which makes your offer more inviting because there are no attachments and nothing to lose. On the other hand, say it's a girl at school that you may have, for a while, admired from afar, and you've finally decided to gather up the courage to ask her out, STOP, and think for a second. First of all, there may be some negative thoughts that she may hold against you, that you may not know of, like you could be that weird guy that sits next to her in math, (not saying you are, just an example) but if that's the case, there's a higher chance of you being shut down. Second of all, in the situation in which you DO get rejected, it's a lot more humiliating for you due to the fact that you probably now have become the guy who asked *Stacy out on a date and got shut down, and everyone's going to have heard about it. And last of all, whether or not you guys actually do go on a date, even if it's just one, you guys still have to see one another everyday at school, and you have no idea how painfully uncomfortable it is.

I personally think that it's extremely risky to ask out a girl you kinda, but don't really know, but again, you never know if things could turn out for the better. But in the case of my anonymous formspringer, I would suggest that you take what I said into deep consideration before you decide on anything. In the event that you do decide to ask her out and she's always surrounded by her friends, just try and find a window of opportunity, like when you see her walking to class alone or something, or you could just go bold with it and approach her within her group of friends and pull her aside, however that's extremely difficult for most guys to do, but it would be the most straight forward and effective way to momentarily get her away from her group of friends. Once you get her alone to talk, be a gentleman, and just use the guidelines I provided in my previous post "How to approach a girl in a public place." Good luck!

-xoxoLVN

Club Protocal

I received a question the other day asking how to approach a girl at the club. Now the answer to this question is pretty easy, but I find the club topic something worth blogging about. So I'm going to start out with a Q&A, then continue on with my own thoughts.

Question: "how does one (a dude) approach girls in a CLUB setting. drop that knowledge plzz"

Answer: Being at the club, it's a very casual environment, so approaching a girl really isn't that hard, half the time you don't even really need to talk to her. Of course, there's always those nice guys out there who will politely come up to a girl and ask her to dance, which works too, but a lot of the time, if you see a girl you want to dance with dancing with her girls, all you really need to do is just to come up behind her and start dancing. When doing this, you will get one of two reactions:

1. She turns around, thinks you're acceptable, and continues dancing
2. She turns around, finds you UNacceptable, and walks away; sorry

Now that I've covered the Q&A portion, I'd like to branch out to what I like to call "Club Protocol" which will basically consist of the rules, regulations, and mannerisms that are unspoken of, but should be understood:

• Don't show up trashed: Pre-gaming is fine, I understand that it's a good way to get in the party mood and let loose, but showing up and acting a fool is completely different.
  
• Referring to the bullet point above if you're a guy and you show up trashed, there's one of two things that can happen:
  

1. You're hella horny and grind up against every girl in the CREEPIEST way possible. I know one thing's for sure, it's guaranteed this nigga ain't gettin' NO bitches tonight.
2. You get angry real fast for almost no reason at all, start a fight, and get kicked out basically for being a douche
   

• Again, referring to the bullet point above, if you're a girl and you show up trashed, the two most common things that could happen are:
  

1. You go in, act a fool, throw up in the womens restroom, and the rest of the night you'll be known as that crazy bitch who passed out in her own vomit
   
2. Some creepy guy sees how drunk you are and tries to hook up with you; he succeeds.

• Trashy dancing: I understand that these days, the good'ol bump N' grind has now become the social norm, and to be honest, it's kind to of hard to keep it classy when you're trying to start a fire with your ass and some guys crotch, however there are some moves that are, in my opinion, trashier than usual:

1. Anything below 90 degrees IS TRASHY: Once your head has pretty much made its way to the floor, bitch, you ain't even dancing anymore! Let's be real here, when dancing, you have rotations, body rolling, and whatnot going on, which makes you look sexy, but once you're completely bent over, you just look like you're takin' it in the ass!
2. When he pushes your head down: In my opinion, when a guy pushes a girls head down, it is straight up disrespectful, I know that if it were me, and some guy pushed my head down while we were dancing, it's guaranteed I would just get up and walk away

• Don't expect to find your future boyfriend at the club: Ladies, if you meet a guy at the club, don't get the impression that he's tryna get into anything serious. Let's be honest here, when you're a the club, chances are you look like a hoe, some more extreme than others, but in a general sense, every girl there isn't going to look like the kind of girl a guy's gunna want to take home to mom, so you know what he's looking for? Not a girlfriend, that's for sure! So don't take your self all seriously and get all but hurt when you exchanged numbers with a guy at the club and he blows you off or something, cus you can't expect him to take a slutty looking stranger at the club seriously!
• Bustin' out choreo at the club: Aiiitee, we get it, you're a dancer, and you want everyone at the club to know. But you know what we're really thinkin' when we see that? "Get that shit outta here!" This ain't no ABDC shit, we're at the club, relax, you look like a douche.

Late Night Quickie

It's 1:04 AM and I just finished my hrp, just stoppin' by for a quickie blog;]

Have you ever just had that feeling where a random rush of emotion just overcomes you? Idk, but I've been getting that a lot lately, I don't really know why. You ever get that feeling where you don't really miss someone, but you miss being with them? Where all of a sudden, you just wanna go see them real quick, just cus you haven't seen them in a while? Idk, I thought I was done with that, but as of late, I guess it something's telling me otherwise. I don't know what to make of it, all I know is that it's making me anxious..

-LVN

Signs That Indicate Your Man is Cheating

No intro needed, I'm going to get straight to the point.

Signs That Indicate Your Man is Cheating:

• He gets mad at you and/or picks fights with you for almost no reason whatsoever: Picking fights with you is the easiest way to get away from you without being interrogated about where he's going, what he's doing, or who he's with. Think about it, if you're mad at someone, it gives you an excuse to not talk to them or be around them, giving him the perfect getaway.
  
• He's constantly telling you how much he loves you or cares for you, even if you don't reciprocate: He does this in hopes of reassuring you as to prevent the possibility of you becoming insecure about the relationship, and thus become suspicious of his loyalty to you.
• He accuses you of cheating: Basically, he's just trying to direct the negative attention away from himself to you by accusing you, and by doing this, he hopes to make it seem as though he would be so devastated if you were to cheat on him, to give you the impression that he would never do that to you. Plus he wants to make you feel guilty, which also, in a way helps him.
  
• He gets overly upset when you hang out with other guys: Again, he's trying to make you feel guilty and direct the negative attention to you. But this also shows that he's insecure of himself and your loyalty to him. When a guy cheats on his girl, he still wants to be with his girl, he just wants other girls too, so he's trying to get the best of both worlds, which is the reason they cheat instead of just breaking up with their girlfriend. So because he knows that he's unfaithful, he's insecure about the fact that there's a possibility of you not staying faithful, and that scares him because he still doesn't want any other guy to have you. He's just selfish.
  
• He answers direct questions indirectly: For example, if you were to ask him a question like, "Is there another girl," or "are you cheating?" he would respond indirectly as to say something like, "do I look like I would be cheating?" In his mind, technically, he's not lying, so it must be okay.
  
• He gets overly defensive: Enough said.
  
• He goes into too much detail about where he was: For example, if he said that he went out to eat with his family or something that night, and when you ask how it was and this nigga goes into unnecessary detail about insignificant things like the color of the paint on the wall, this means he's probably lying. By giving you a lot of detail, he hopes to "prove" to you that he was really there, but really, who the fuck notices a bunch of random shit like that, and cares enough to talk about it later. Real talk, from personal experience, that's the kind of shit I pull on my parents when I lie to them about where I am.

Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?

The other day I received a question asking "how come nice guys finish last?" First of all, it's hard to really define what a "bad boy" is and what a "nice guy" is. Second of all, determining "who finishes last" really depends on what phase of life they are currently in, but because my main demographic consists of readers that are, for the most part, within my own age range, I'm sorry to have to say that in this pre-mature phase of life, the nice guys usually end up finishing last.

Now, if you're a guy and you're reading this right now thinking to yourself, "Fuck, I'm a nice guy.. no wonder girls don't like me, I'm just gunna start being an asshole now and get all dabitches!" WRONG. A "bad guy" and a "nice guy" are two extreme opposites of a spectrum, but there's a always a good balance between the two that a lot of guys have a hard time finding.

The Bad Boy: The bad boy usually knows how to play the game, in other words, he's basically a player. What makes a "bad boy" bad isn't necessarily the fact that he's some sort or hoodlum out committing crimes; what makes him "bad" is his reputation. You can be a good boy that goes to church every Sunday, does his homework, and loves his mother, and still be considered a "bad boy", but on the flip side, you ALSO can be the typical bad boy that parties, and drinks, and does drugs etc. My main point here is that there are things that differentiate bad boys from one another, but what they all have in common is their player-like tendencies; a boy that's bad to girls. No, that doesn't mean he beats her or emotionally abuses her, he's just a typical player that plays with girls, simple as that. On the upside, because there is this player-like nature in a bad boy, he usually gets the girl, but on the down side, he can't keep her, and she'll probably end up having feelings of resentment and regret towards him after they're over.

The Nice Guy: Sorry to say, but homeboy has a problem getting girls. The nice guy has no problem being friends with girls, but he usually ends up in the friend zone. The nice guy either doesn't know how to play the game, or doesn't believe in playing them, so instead, his approach is to "be nice" in hopes of being friends with a girl long enough for her to fall for him, but what he doesn't realize that by playing the nice friend role, he's setting himself up for failure. The nice guy can often be a push over and has almost no power as to control the progression of a relationship from platonic to something more, and to be honest, the nice guy can often be portrayed as a "pussy." But don't get me wrong, not ALL nice guys get stuck in the friend zone, the other nice guy's approach is, ideally, to emotionally spoil the girl and shower her with his interpretation of subtle love and affection, but you know what it's really doing? IT MAKES YOU SEEM DESPERATE AND CLINGY. I cannot stress enough to you boys out there to PLAY IT COOL, just chill out for a bit, and don't always make it so apparent that you're into her. The nice guy may not be able to get the girl, but if ever granted the chance to, he for damn sure could keep her, unlike the bad boy.

The Perfect Man: The perfect man, give or take, is the perfect balance between the "bad boy" and the "nice guy." He knows how to play the game, but plays in moderation and uses it to his advantage in a respectable manner, and is a gentleman at heart. He knows how to treat a girl and knows what it takes to make her stay... if only there were such a thing in high school ;]

But for now, we're all still young and immature, and in an immature world, there is no perfect man, only the "bad boy" and the "nice guy", so sorry all you nice guys out there, it's all about the art of the game, and ya'll best get to learnin', and once you do, you might just be the perfect man;]

The Perfect "Date"

Taking some time out from my typical advice blogging to just talk about what's kind of going on in my life, which, I might add, was what this blog was initially intended to do.

So for the past two days, I had been catching up with an old friend I hadn't seen in a little over a year. He had told me that he was leaving the country within the next few weeks and asked me to kick it before he left. So on Friday, he picked me up from school and we had ourselves a little backyard BBQ with his three dogs. Today, we went out to eat dinner and ended up talking at the park until almost 1 o'clock. And let me just mention that me and him are JUST FRIENDS, we've known each other for years now so it's not even like that.

While we were hanging out, we seriously talked about EVERYTHING you could possibly imagine, from relationships and childhoods to abortion and gay marriage. We hadn't seen each other for years now, and we were on that comfort level as if we've been hanging out forever. He took me to his "secret spot" behind the freeway, and we just sat on the swings at the park until about one. And as we were talking, I just casually threw out the fact that the past two days with him had been just about everything I would consider as a perfect first date (if it really were a first date, we're just friends hanging out). He was really surprised due to the fact that everything we were doing was so simple and casual.

In my opinion we're still kids, so all that mumbo jumbo about taking a girl out on a date, bringing her flowers, and taking her out to a dinner and a movie, isn't necessarily the makings of a perfect date. I seriously feel like all you really need to get a girl is to find that connection with her, which means good conversation and good vibes with good people. I don't know about other girls, but I know that for me, just kickin' it and having relaxing, good, clean fun is the best kind of date there is, because sometimes, the best things are the simplest things! Oh, and for me, I don't want a guy that's too cool and that doesn't make mistakes, and speaking of that I just HAVE to mention that as I was leaving, and we hugged goodbye, somehow, he accidentally ripped my earring off! It hurt like shit! But to be honest, it was like the cherry on top of a perfect evening. It was so cute because he felt so bad, and he seemed really embarrassed! He apologized like a million times and said that he felt like an idiot, and I STILL thought it was adorable. But anyway, real shit, I swear it was the cutest night I've ever had with anyone, and it wasn't even purposely!

Idk, it's hard to explain via blog because I can't really go into detail. But pretty much, I told him that I wished we could have called our hang out a "date" because then I could really say that I've been on a prefect date, and to me, it really was a "prefect date." Good conversation, with good company and good vibes. what more could I ask for? :]

Q&A: Getting Out of the Friend Zone

Question: Heyyy your blogs are really insightful so I thought I would try and ask you a question and see if you could cover in your blog. Soo my question is what is the best way to stop getting stuck in the "your a great guy" best friend shoulder to lean on zone?

I'm not gunna lie, getting out of the friend zone is extremely difficult, only because you put yourself there. When I think about it, there's not really much you can do to get out of the friend zone once you're already there because now it's not up to you anymore. You've created an image of yourself, and in her eyes, she can't see you in any other light than the one she's been seeing you in throughout your friendship. I don't have the answer for everything, and this is one of the cases. Trying to get out of the friends zone into something more than a purely platonic relationship runs the risk of ruining a friendship completely, because once she knows that you want something more than just a friendship, it could go one of two ways:

1. Turns out she likes you and you guys live happily ever after
2. She doesn't feel the same and now she feels the need to treat you differently because she doesn't want to make you like her or lead you on, and the ending result; it's awkward. And an awkward friendship isn't a friendship at all; the end.
   

BUT I can provide tips on how to prevent even entering the friend zone:

• Try to stray away from having her talk to you about other guys: This is what her GIRLFRIENDS are for, and guys that give advice to girls about other guys are just friends. If she likes you, she should be talking ABOUT you, not TO you; and how is she going to be thinking about you when she's too busy thinking about other guys and asking for your opinion about it.
• Confiding is different from complaining: When she's constantly updating you on her love life, rambling on about how great things are going, and giving you intimate details about it, she's confiding in you, and that's what she would normally do with her girlfriends, and that's a nogo. When she's coming to you only to complain about how a guy is a total asshole and when he treats her badly, it's different because in this case, she feels as though she's being neglected/mistreated, and she came to you to make her feel better, because like they say, if a girl isn't getting the kind of affection and treatment she wants, she can AND WILL find it elsewhere, and that's where you came in.

There's other stuff I would tell you, but those are girly secrets, and not for boys to hear!:]

Baby Do It Like Trey

No blog tonight, but this is worth taking my time out to post:



GOD DAMN Trey Songz, just about the hottest thing I've ever seen!

Players

Many may not realize that there are semi-distinctive differences between players and sluts. Sluts may not necessarily be players, and players may not necessarily be sluts. Sluts tend to be defined as loose or easy, and to some extent, may not have very high standards as to whom they choose to have sexual relations with. Players, however, they're different kind of peoples. Players are more selective with who they decide to prey on; they select only the best because they know they have what it takes to get what they want, and because they know they have that power, they abuse it. Now, real talk here, I gotta give it up to all my players out there, because ya'll know how to play the game, and that's what players do, they PLAY (Ladies, ya'll can be players too;]). Most people fail to see that being a player, in it's own way, truly is an art form. A pretty face can only get you so far; it takes character, wit, strategy, impressive use of word play, and just down right swagg, to be a true player. Players see what they want, and they know exactly what to do to get it; how? Because they understand the thought process of the typical male/female and they use that knowledge to their advantage; they play to win, not to lose.

Now, this is where the bad part of being a player kicks in. Let's be honest, players know they're players; they know that they can get what they want, and therefore they abuse it. It's typically guys that abuse it, and guys lemme tell you this: A reputation as a player is just as bad as a reputation as a slut. Yes, I do believe that being a player in it's own way is a good thing, because it means you're smart enough to play, HOWEVER, I believe in using the power for good, NOT EVIL. Using your power to your advantage is acceptable under circumstances in which your intentions are respectable, but abusing your power and just using it to hop into the pants of every fine piece of ass IS A NO-NO. Guys, no girl is going to trust a player, for the obvious reason, she thinks she's just another girl you're tryna play! Girls aren't that naive, so if we know you're a player, and you're tryna spit game, not gunna lie, it may work for a bit, but deep inside we know that it means nothing! So assuming that one day after you've finally decided to give up the game, and you find a nice girl worth sticking around for, and she knows what kind of guy you used to be, you just up and fucked yourself over because you abused your power and are now nothing more than a stereotype in her eyes. So all the cute shit you try doing for her, and all the sweet nothings you force feed her are now useless, because she's thinkin' you've probably done the same shit for every other girl you've ever played, and she's not going to be the one who knew better but let it happen to her anyway.

LADIES: Don't be afraid to play the game, but like I instructed the boys, don't abuse it. It's a good skill to have, but like I always say, everything's better in moderation;]

Do yo' thaaaaang;]

How to Reject a Guy

Today I received a question on my formspring asking for pointers on how to reject a guy, and I think it's safe to say we've all had our fair share of rejections, some less painful than others, but all together, it's an experience we'll all go through. Being rejected is one thing, but being the one to reject is another, so when I received this question, I knew I had to blog about it because I've witnessed a lot of painful rejections due to the lack of knowledge of how to handle such a situation. So I'm going to help my ladies out with some tips on how to keep it classy, and at the same time get your message across effectively when letting a guy down.

Question: "so how did u eggzactly reject him. cuz im dealing wit the same situation from a guy who i met at the beach that took me on a date. please tell me how u rejected him cuz i need some pointers on how to reject a guy guy but in a classy manner"

• "I'm focusing on school right now.": Girls, boys aren't THAT stupid, so throwing that excuse in their face ain't gunna cut it. I understand that when trying to turn down a guy in the nicest way possible, this probably is the easiest way to go, and to be honest, even I've used it. The truth of the matter is, is that everyone should know that if you like someone enough, you'll make it happen. Whether it's school, family, or some other personal issue, if that person means anything to you, you'll put in that extra effort to be with them.
  
• If you're not feelin' a guy that you've already been on a date with, don't be afraid to let him down, but let him down easy. Dating is to actively survey whether or not a specific individual is compatible to you, so if you've gone on a date and you just don't think that continuing relations with this person is going to work out, he should respect the fact that you just don't have that connection, as long as you're nice about it
• Keep it honest, classy, and get straight to the point: Most guys are kind of slow (sorry but it's true) so sometimes trying to throw out hints isn't going to be very effective. So as harsh as it may seem, sometimes you just gotta lay it out for them, BUT remember, no one likes a bitch, so keep it classy. Let him know that you may think he's a really nice guy, and that he's real cute and all, but you just don't see anything happening between you two, and that you'd rather be honest with him than have him waste his time on you.
  
• If he's blowin' up your phone: Ladies, I understand that when you don't want to talk to a guy, you just DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HIM. So if this guy is blowin' up your phone 24/7 try and be nice but at the same time try hinting to him that you just aren't feelin' him like that and you don't feel like texting him all day. Things like short and/or abrupt replies, "ending responses" (eg. fasho, mkay, alright, lol) basically things that you can't really continue a conversation with. But if this nigga STILL can't take a hint, as mean as it may sound, just stop replying, you can't beat around the bush forever, and nothing makes a more clearer statement than silence.
  
• GUYS, one worded/abrupt response texts MEAN SOMETHING: it means she doesn't want to talk to you, take a hint and give it up already! Shit gets annoying!
• When approached by a stranger: If a guy comes up to you, asking for your number, and you just really don't want to give it to him, please, by all means, be polite. It's bad enough being rejected, but being rejected and humiliated is a million times worse, as if being rejected doesn't already have humiliation all in itself. If a guy is tryna get your number, just smile and politely mention that he seems like a real sweet/nice guy, but you just don't give your number out to strangers.