I Still Love Chris Brown

I think this speaks for itself, and I still love Chris Brown<3

Q&A

I've been getting a lot more questions that I feel are blog worthy lately, so instead of my usual blogging, I figure I'd just knock a few out in one big Q&A blog where I can answer everyone's questions publicly, and who knows, a lot more people may be dealing with the same situation! So if you're one of the people who's questions I'm about to answer, thanks for the support, and don't be shy to ask for help, that's what I'm here for!:]


Q: Can you help explain to me why guys just want to be friends with benefit and not just friends? or even more than that? and if you choose not too just for the respect of your body, why they don't bother talking to you again? =/

A: Babygirl, you just must be hangin' out with the wrong kind of guys:T Either that, or you're an average-looking hoe and everyone knows it, so guys will just be friends with you to hook up with you, and once they find out you're not DTF they no longer think it's worth the effort and just dip. I know that sound super harsh, but some guys really are just dogs like that, if you're not that cute but they think they can get what they want from you, and if all they really want from you is an easy fuck and you're not puttin' out, then that's it. Honestly, if a guy really liked you, they would respect you, or even if he didn't like you but you were pretty hot and worth the effort, he'd at least be friends with you, or if he's really a dog, he'd be friends with you and work at it until he got what he wanted. Guys are pretty simple, if you don't have anything what they want, which could range from sex to just a friendship (it doesn't have to be just sex, you might have a personality they don't particularly like so they don't want your friendship), then it's not worth the effort to them so they drop it. Most guys really aren't as bad as how you made it seem in your question, I'm not sure if you're referring to like 1 or 2 boys or a large number of boys, but if that's how they're treating you, and it happens regularly, I'm sorry to have to say it, but it's probably you, not them. I could be wrong about the slut thing, but I know for sure that if guys thought you were cool to kick it with even if you weren't cute, they would be kickin' it with you instead of blowing you off. I'm really sorry, and I'm sure it's hard for you to hear, but it's the truth..:[

Q: Lindsey! I've been in a relationship for awhile now and it kind of lost its excitement, any suggestions? Perhaps a blog? :) Graciaass. I'm a guy by the way.

A: To be completely honest, I haven't been a a relationship long enough to have experienced--no offense--a rut, but I can try and help you to the best of my abilities? Well first off, depending on what kind of people you guys are, and how your relationship once was and how it is now, trying to bring excitement back into the relationship really does vary from couple to couple. However speaking in a general sense, I'll just put together a small list of suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation.

• Both of you guys need to be open to exploring different things, which means going to different places, trying different activities, basically something you're not used to.
  
• get out of that day to day boring routine: If every day, your girl friend comes over, and you guys just chill at your house, watch TV, and go grab some food, it's obviously going to lose it's excitement for the obvious reason that everything's so predictable!
• Spend some time apart: go hang out with your friends and let her hang out with hers, if you guys are always together, you'll never be able to exchange fun stories with her because you were there! You saw that shit too, and you don't need her to tell you again! Plus give her some time to miss you, it will make it all the better when you finally get to see her again!
• Add some spice to your love life: whether you guys are having sex, or have had sex and are now no longer having it, don't be afraid to add some sense adventure to your sex life. Try doing it in places other than your bedroom, like the top of a parking structure, on the hood of your car, at the park, fuckit? DISNEYLAND. I recommend some place semi-public, there's something about the thrill of getting caught makes things exciting, but bottom line DON'T GET CAUGHT, you'll look like a dumbass. Oh and role play can be fun too, and I'm sure it's a lot more fun with the costumes to match, yeedig;]

Q: How do you get back with an ex after cheating on 'em?

A: Simple, you better work you ass off to earn their trust back, and pray that they give you a second chance, because to be honest, once you lose someones trust, there's almost nothing you can do because you just lost all rights to a voice, and even if they do decide to take you back, they'll still never trust you, and just saying sorry a million times for damn sure ain't gunna cut it.


Q: so like me and my bf have been together for almost a year now and with college coming soon i'm kinda scared whats gonna happen... we are a strong couple and all but college is gonna change a lot of things so any tips???

A: Well obviously you already know that college is going to change your relationship, especially if you both are going to different schools. Depending on whether or not both of your situations change drastically, your relationship either could be heavily impacted or almost not at all. If your situations do change drastically, then I can tell you this now, things are going to be very difficult. In college, you can expect that he's going to meet a grip of girls, especially if he dorms, and he's going to be spending a lot more time with them than he will be able to with you, and even if it's on that friend level, spending too much time with any cute girl means trouble for you. However if he does get to see you regularly, that does change things a little bit. I guess bottom line is, there's not too much you can really do other than keep in close contact which means seeing him regularly and talking on the phone, the basic stuff, because for stuff like this, there's not too many things you can do about it, there's no tricks, tips or games to play, it's just life, and shit happens.


The End!

xoxo,
LVN

When Dealing with Guys

So, once again, to all my readers, I'm sorry to have kept you guys waiting, I've just been lazy with it being summer and everything, and to be honest I'm begining to run out of things to write about, so feel free to throw out some suggestion!

A while back, I began to notice that the topics being discussed on my blog are mainly directed towards guys, and recently a new friend of mine suggested that I give girls some more attention, so this post will most definitely be for all my ladies out there!

When Dealing with Guys:

• DON'T put ridiculous restrictions on him: Ladies, lemme just tell you this, you're not his mother, you're his girlfriend, so don't make him feel like he needs to be babysitted or watched over; he's a big boy, he can take care of himself.
  
• If you don't agree with something he does, ie. drugs, don't FORCE your opinions and set boundaries for him and expect him to cooperate. It doesn't work that way. You can't get someone to stop by FORCING it upon them, it's just giving them more of a reason to do it, then lie to you about it; and in the end, you just put it on yourself. If your man does something that you don't agree with, just let him know that it's not something that you particularly like, but because you respect him, you'll respect his choices and understand that he is capable of making his own decisions, and in time if he cares about you, he should respect you enough to take your thoughts and opinions into consideration.
  
• Let him have time to kick it with his homies: There should, more or less, be an equivalent amount of time spent with you and with his friends. Spend some time apart, give him some time to miss you, cus spending every second of every day together begins to take the excitement out of the relationship.
• Don't care too much: There's a lot of you girls out there who will trip over almost anything, it being big or small. Learn to pick you fights, it'll make the relationship a lot easier for the both of you. And to be honest, I hear a lot of praise towards the girlfriends who are "chill", trust me, it's bonus points. No guy is gunna like always having to worry about whether or not his girl is mad at him.
  
• Surprise him!: Whether it's leaving little thoughtful notes on his car, or showing up at his house when his parents aren't home in a sexy cop uniform, a little thoughtful spontaneity is always appreciated;]
• Tomboy attributes can sometimes be a plus: Picking up on activities that are not common to females such as paintballing, cars, organized fighting, contact sports, etc. are often bonus points. Plus, on a scale of 1- 10, if you're at least a 6 or 7, you'll probably look hot with a wrench in your hand, or kicking some other girls ass anyway.
• Be down: Be the girl who's not afraid to have good time, who's not afraid to bust missions and go on adventures, who's not scared of a few bumps and bruises, and who's not too cool to try something new!
• Don't try too hard: When you just "happen" to show up at casual events where you know he's going to be, dressed up to the point where it's almost out of character, trust me, he and everyone who knows you can tell you're trying to impress someone, and it's a turn off when someone's obviously trying too hard, cus it seems desperate.

That's pretty much all I can think of at the moment, but if you have any questions that require answers in more detail, feel free to ask, and I'm happy to answer, I hope this helped!:]

OH! and one last things, ladies, don't pick a guy with qualities you don't find acceptable, ie. drugs, and expect to change him, reality check, IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, people change if they want to change, you can't expect them to change for you, sure there are exceptions to every rule, but in a general sense, it's not going to happen. If you want a good boy, GO FOR THE GOOD BOY, don't expect to go for a bad boy and change him!

Mkay, The End.

xoxo,
LVN

Attributes of a Good/Bad Kisser

So, I've been getting a lot of complaints about having not updated my blog recently, so let me just say, that I'm sorrrry! For those who have been waiting, I've just been really busy lately with school coming to an end and what not, but tomorrow is finally my last day, so to all my readers, you can look forward to more frequent blog updates!

To start off my summer blogging, I'd like to first mention that a long while back, I received a fromspring question asking me, what makes a good kisser, and if I think I'm a good kisser. Now, to be completely honest, I have no idea if I'm a good kisser, I've only ever kissed 3 boys in my life, so I'm not super experienced, but I know what I like and what I don't like, plus I talk to a lot of other girls, so the advice to come is basically a combination of personal experience and accumulated knowledge through discussion.

The Attributes of a Good/Bad Kisser:

• Sloppy kissers: I think sloppy kissers can be almost the worst kind of kissers. There are a number of things that take part in being a sloppy kisser, it's just a huge combination of things gone wrong which I will elaborate on later. But in a general sense, if you're getting wet in places that you shouldn't be, --ie. your chin, jaw, or certain areas of the cheek-- that shit's DISGUSTING. You may think my examples are extreme but trust me, IT HAPPENS. Guy/girls, if you're reading this right now and may be thinking that you're a sloppy kisser, fix it! No one likes being lathered in saliva, IT'S DIRTY, and to make it worse, later you get that nasty "drying spit" smell on your face that makes you feel like you need a shower. Kissing is for your lips, NOT YOUR CHIN, so stay within the target area!
• Using too much teeth: For those of you who don't know what I mean when I say "using too much teeth," to clarify, it's basically the frequent collision of your teeth and your partners teeth. When kissing, there should be no clicking of the teeth, the sound and feel is extremely unpleasant and makes the experience of kissing seem rough.
• Kissing with no rhythm: Kissing, ideally, should be the connection and synchronized movement of two individuals, which means that if one person is off rhythm, it throws off that balance that should be maintained to flow smoothly and sensually throughout your encounter. Kissing with no rhythm makes kissing feel awkward, and when it's awkward, it's no longer romantic, because now instead of just enjoying it, you're too busy worrying and wondering why you feel so uncomfortable. It's like dancing; if you're dancing with a guy, and while you're gettin' your rotation on, he's pelvic thrusting, your movements are thrown of balance, and you're left wondering, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?
• You're kissing, not eatin' pussy!: I find this one particularly disgusting. To all you guys out there who will shove your tongue down a girls throat, then rapidly flicker your tongue as though you were trying to eat out her mouth, DON'T! If you're gunna do that shit, save it for her "other lips" cus doing it to her mouth, I guarantee will provoke thoughts along the lines of, " what the fuck is he tryna do?" Trust me, I've heard many complaints from dozens of girls about guys doing this, and you know what we do when this is brought up? WE MAKE FUN OF YOU, in large numbers, so don't let yourself be subjected to this kind of ridicule!
  
• People with bigger lips tend to make kissing more enjoyable: I'm not saying people with small lips are bad kissers, I've just seemed to notice that when kissing someone with bigger lips, you get more of a mouth full with less tongue, and a lot of times, when you use less tongue, it's cleaner! But this really does vary from person to person. I personally like kissing guys with big lips haha
• Do something with your hands: Don't just leave your hands easy chillin' when you could be using them to make your encounter more intimate, and no that doesn't mean I'm tellin' you to feel up on her tits and shit, (well I mean, unless ya'll are gettin' heavy into it I guess, but whatever, thas on you!) but in a less intrusive and sexual way, while you guys are kissing, it'd be nice for you to cup her jaw line, or place your hands on her hips and pull your body's closer together so that your abdomen and pelvis's are touching. This creates a more subtle, intimate connection.
  
• Good kissers don't leave marks!: When kissing someones neck, slow and easy is a lot more enjoyable than rough and aggressive. Because your neck is so sensitive, kissing it softly and tenderly gives your body time to process all the different sensations, making it more enjoyable. But when someones aggressively tugging and sucking on your neck, it just feels like someones tugging and sucking on your neck! Plus it hella leaves marks! I personally hate hickeys, it's like evidence! And i don't need people all up in my business and shit, giving me those, "haaaaaay, what's that??" looks. Oh, and fyi, some parts of the neck are more sensitive than others, so take your time and find the spots! haha
• Don't be afraid to tease a little bit: It just creates a more fun and playful mood, making it more comfortable for the both of you!

That's pretty much all I can think of at the moment, and the other basic stuff I'm assuming most of you already know, so to my anonymous formspringer, I hope this helped!

xoxo,
LVN

Q&A: Approaching a Girl in a Group of Friends

Question: hey Lindsey how do I ask this girl out who is always and constantly with her friends like almost 100% of the time, you didn't cover that in your blog, its hard enough to approach girls, but how can I get past this even more difficult obstacle

Answer: There's a huge difference when it comes to approaching girls you don't know at all, and approaching girls that you may know of and may have a crush on but have never had the courage to come up and talk to. The reason for this being that when a girl you approach for the first time knows nothing about you, she has no prior thoughts of you because she doesn't know you! So if by chance you ask her out, you basically get a fresh start to make a good impression, and if it turns out that you're not quite her type, then it's easier on both of you because you guys can easily go back to being strangers and not have to deal with it, which makes your offer more inviting because there are no attachments and nothing to lose. On the other hand, say it's a girl at school that you may have, for a while, admired from afar, and you've finally decided to gather up the courage to ask her out, STOP, and think for a second. First of all, there may be some negative thoughts that she may hold against you, that you may not know of, like you could be that weird guy that sits next to her in math, (not saying you are, just an example) but if that's the case, there's a higher chance of you being shut down. Second of all, in the situation in which you DO get rejected, it's a lot more humiliating for you due to the fact that you probably now have become the guy who asked *Stacy out on a date and got shut down, and everyone's going to have heard about it. And last of all, whether or not you guys actually do go on a date, even if it's just one, you guys still have to see one another everyday at school, and you have no idea how painfully uncomfortable it is.

I personally think that it's extremely risky to ask out a girl you kinda, but don't really know, but again, you never know if things could turn out for the better. But in the case of my anonymous formspringer, I would suggest that you take what I said into deep consideration before you decide on anything. In the event that you do decide to ask her out and she's always surrounded by her friends, just try and find a window of opportunity, like when you see her walking to class alone or something, or you could just go bold with it and approach her within her group of friends and pull her aside, however that's extremely difficult for most guys to do, but it would be the most straight forward and effective way to momentarily get her away from her group of friends. Once you get her alone to talk, be a gentleman, and just use the guidelines I provided in my previous post "How to approach a girl in a public place." Good luck!

-xoxoLVN

Club Protocal

I received a question the other day asking how to approach a girl at the club. Now the answer to this question is pretty easy, but I find the club topic something worth blogging about. So I'm going to start out with a Q&A, then continue on with my own thoughts.

Question: "how does one (a dude) approach girls in a CLUB setting. drop that knowledge plzz"

Answer: Being at the club, it's a very casual environment, so approaching a girl really isn't that hard, half the time you don't even really need to talk to her. Of course, there's always those nice guys out there who will politely come up to a girl and ask her to dance, which works too, but a lot of the time, if you see a girl you want to dance with dancing with her girls, all you really need to do is just to come up behind her and start dancing. When doing this, you will get one of two reactions:

1. She turns around, thinks you're acceptable, and continues dancing
2. She turns around, finds you UNacceptable, and walks away; sorry

Now that I've covered the Q&A portion, I'd like to branch out to what I like to call "Club Protocol" which will basically consist of the rules, regulations, and mannerisms that are unspoken of, but should be understood:

• Don't show up trashed: Pre-gaming is fine, I understand that it's a good way to get in the party mood and let loose, but showing up and acting a fool is completely different.
  
• Referring to the bullet point above if you're a guy and you show up trashed, there's one of two things that can happen:
  

1. You're hella horny and grind up against every girl in the CREEPIEST way possible. I know one thing's for sure, it's guaranteed this nigga ain't gettin' NO bitches tonight.
2. You get angry real fast for almost no reason at all, start a fight, and get kicked out basically for being a douche
   

• Again, referring to the bullet point above, if you're a girl and you show up trashed, the two most common things that could happen are:
  

1. You go in, act a fool, throw up in the womens restroom, and the rest of the night you'll be known as that crazy bitch who passed out in her own vomit
   
2. Some creepy guy sees how drunk you are and tries to hook up with you; he succeeds.

• Trashy dancing: I understand that these days, the good'ol bump N' grind has now become the social norm, and to be honest, it's kind to of hard to keep it classy when you're trying to start a fire with your ass and some guys crotch, however there are some moves that are, in my opinion, trashier than usual:

1. Anything below 90 degrees IS TRASHY: Once your head has pretty much made its way to the floor, bitch, you ain't even dancing anymore! Let's be real here, when dancing, you have rotations, body rolling, and whatnot going on, which makes you look sexy, but once you're completely bent over, you just look like you're takin' it in the ass!
2. When he pushes your head down: In my opinion, when a guy pushes a girls head down, it is straight up disrespectful, I know that if it were me, and some guy pushed my head down while we were dancing, it's guaranteed I would just get up and walk away

• Don't expect to find your future boyfriend at the club: Ladies, if you meet a guy at the club, don't get the impression that he's tryna get into anything serious. Let's be honest here, when you're a the club, chances are you look like a hoe, some more extreme than others, but in a general sense, every girl there isn't going to look like the kind of girl a guy's gunna want to take home to mom, so you know what he's looking for? Not a girlfriend, that's for sure! So don't take your self all seriously and get all but hurt when you exchanged numbers with a guy at the club and he blows you off or something, cus you can't expect him to take a slutty looking stranger at the club seriously!
• Bustin' out choreo at the club: Aiiitee, we get it, you're a dancer, and you want everyone at the club to know. But you know what we're really thinkin' when we see that? "Get that shit outta here!" This ain't no ABDC shit, we're at the club, relax, you look like a douche.

Late Night Quickie

It's 1:04 AM and I just finished my hrp, just stoppin' by for a quickie blog;]

Have you ever just had that feeling where a random rush of emotion just overcomes you? Idk, but I've been getting that a lot lately, I don't really know why. You ever get that feeling where you don't really miss someone, but you miss being with them? Where all of a sudden, you just wanna go see them real quick, just cus you haven't seen them in a while? Idk, I thought I was done with that, but as of late, I guess it something's telling me otherwise. I don't know what to make of it, all I know is that it's making me anxious..

-LVN

Signs That Indicate Your Man is Cheating

No intro needed, I'm going to get straight to the point.

Signs That Indicate Your Man is Cheating:

• He gets mad at you and/or picks fights with you for almost no reason whatsoever: Picking fights with you is the easiest way to get away from you without being interrogated about where he's going, what he's doing, or who he's with. Think about it, if you're mad at someone, it gives you an excuse to not talk to them or be around them, giving him the perfect getaway.
  
• He's constantly telling you how much he loves you or cares for you, even if you don't reciprocate: He does this in hopes of reassuring you as to prevent the possibility of you becoming insecure about the relationship, and thus become suspicious of his loyalty to you.
• He accuses you of cheating: Basically, he's just trying to direct the negative attention away from himself to you by accusing you, and by doing this, he hopes to make it seem as though he would be so devastated if you were to cheat on him, to give you the impression that he would never do that to you. Plus he wants to make you feel guilty, which also, in a way helps him.
  
• He gets overly upset when you hang out with other guys: Again, he's trying to make you feel guilty and direct the negative attention to you. But this also shows that he's insecure of himself and your loyalty to him. When a guy cheats on his girl, he still wants to be with his girl, he just wants other girls too, so he's trying to get the best of both worlds, which is the reason they cheat instead of just breaking up with their girlfriend. So because he knows that he's unfaithful, he's insecure about the fact that there's a possibility of you not staying faithful, and that scares him because he still doesn't want any other guy to have you. He's just selfish.
  
• He answers direct questions indirectly: For example, if you were to ask him a question like, "Is there another girl," or "are you cheating?" he would respond indirectly as to say something like, "do I look like I would be cheating?" In his mind, technically, he's not lying, so it must be okay.
  
• He gets overly defensive: Enough said.
  
• He goes into too much detail about where he was: For example, if he said that he went out to eat with his family or something that night, and when you ask how it was and this nigga goes into unnecessary detail about insignificant things like the color of the paint on the wall, this means he's probably lying. By giving you a lot of detail, he hopes to "prove" to you that he was really there, but really, who the fuck notices a bunch of random shit like that, and cares enough to talk about it later. Real talk, from personal experience, that's the kind of shit I pull on my parents when I lie to them about where I am.

Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?

The other day I received a question asking "how come nice guys finish last?" First of all, it's hard to really define what a "bad boy" is and what a "nice guy" is. Second of all, determining "who finishes last" really depends on what phase of life they are currently in, but because my main demographic consists of readers that are, for the most part, within my own age range, I'm sorry to have to say that in this pre-mature phase of life, the nice guys usually end up finishing last.

Now, if you're a guy and you're reading this right now thinking to yourself, "Fuck, I'm a nice guy.. no wonder girls don't like me, I'm just gunna start being an asshole now and get all dabitches!" WRONG. A "bad guy" and a "nice guy" are two extreme opposites of a spectrum, but there's a always a good balance between the two that a lot of guys have a hard time finding.

The Bad Boy: The bad boy usually knows how to play the game, in other words, he's basically a player. What makes a "bad boy" bad isn't necessarily the fact that he's some sort or hoodlum out committing crimes; what makes him "bad" is his reputation. You can be a good boy that goes to church every Sunday, does his homework, and loves his mother, and still be considered a "bad boy", but on the flip side, you ALSO can be the typical bad boy that parties, and drinks, and does drugs etc. My main point here is that there are things that differentiate bad boys from one another, but what they all have in common is their player-like tendencies; a boy that's bad to girls. No, that doesn't mean he beats her or emotionally abuses her, he's just a typical player that plays with girls, simple as that. On the upside, because there is this player-like nature in a bad boy, he usually gets the girl, but on the down side, he can't keep her, and she'll probably end up having feelings of resentment and regret towards him after they're over.

The Nice Guy: Sorry to say, but homeboy has a problem getting girls. The nice guy has no problem being friends with girls, but he usually ends up in the friend zone. The nice guy either doesn't know how to play the game, or doesn't believe in playing them, so instead, his approach is to "be nice" in hopes of being friends with a girl long enough for her to fall for him, but what he doesn't realize that by playing the nice friend role, he's setting himself up for failure. The nice guy can often be a push over and has almost no power as to control the progression of a relationship from platonic to something more, and to be honest, the nice guy can often be portrayed as a "pussy." But don't get me wrong, not ALL nice guys get stuck in the friend zone, the other nice guy's approach is, ideally, to emotionally spoil the girl and shower her with his interpretation of subtle love and affection, but you know what it's really doing? IT MAKES YOU SEEM DESPERATE AND CLINGY. I cannot stress enough to you boys out there to PLAY IT COOL, just chill out for a bit, and don't always make it so apparent that you're into her. The nice guy may not be able to get the girl, but if ever granted the chance to, he for damn sure could keep her, unlike the bad boy.

The Perfect Man: The perfect man, give or take, is the perfect balance between the "bad boy" and the "nice guy." He knows how to play the game, but plays in moderation and uses it to his advantage in a respectable manner, and is a gentleman at heart. He knows how to treat a girl and knows what it takes to make her stay... if only there were such a thing in high school ;]

But for now, we're all still young and immature, and in an immature world, there is no perfect man, only the "bad boy" and the "nice guy", so sorry all you nice guys out there, it's all about the art of the game, and ya'll best get to learnin', and once you do, you might just be the perfect man;]

The Perfect "Date"

Taking some time out from my typical advice blogging to just talk about what's kind of going on in my life, which, I might add, was what this blog was initially intended to do.

So for the past two days, I had been catching up with an old friend I hadn't seen in a little over a year. He had told me that he was leaving the country within the next few weeks and asked me to kick it before he left. So on Friday, he picked me up from school and we had ourselves a little backyard BBQ with his three dogs. Today, we went out to eat dinner and ended up talking at the park until almost 1 o'clock. And let me just mention that me and him are JUST FRIENDS, we've known each other for years now so it's not even like that.

While we were hanging out, we seriously talked about EVERYTHING you could possibly imagine, from relationships and childhoods to abortion and gay marriage. We hadn't seen each other for years now, and we were on that comfort level as if we've been hanging out forever. He took me to his "secret spot" behind the freeway, and we just sat on the swings at the park until about one. And as we were talking, I just casually threw out the fact that the past two days with him had been just about everything I would consider as a perfect first date (if it really were a first date, we're just friends hanging out). He was really surprised due to the fact that everything we were doing was so simple and casual.

In my opinion we're still kids, so all that mumbo jumbo about taking a girl out on a date, bringing her flowers, and taking her out to a dinner and a movie, isn't necessarily the makings of a perfect date. I seriously feel like all you really need to get a girl is to find that connection with her, which means good conversation and good vibes with good people. I don't know about other girls, but I know that for me, just kickin' it and having relaxing, good, clean fun is the best kind of date there is, because sometimes, the best things are the simplest things! Oh, and for me, I don't want a guy that's too cool and that doesn't make mistakes, and speaking of that I just HAVE to mention that as I was leaving, and we hugged goodbye, somehow, he accidentally ripped my earring off! It hurt like shit! But to be honest, it was like the cherry on top of a perfect evening. It was so cute because he felt so bad, and he seemed really embarrassed! He apologized like a million times and said that he felt like an idiot, and I STILL thought it was adorable. But anyway, real shit, I swear it was the cutest night I've ever had with anyone, and it wasn't even purposely!

Idk, it's hard to explain via blog because I can't really go into detail. But pretty much, I told him that I wished we could have called our hang out a "date" because then I could really say that I've been on a prefect date, and to me, it really was a "prefect date." Good conversation, with good company and good vibes. what more could I ask for? :]

Q&A: Getting Out of the Friend Zone

Question: Heyyy your blogs are really insightful so I thought I would try and ask you a question and see if you could cover in your blog. Soo my question is what is the best way to stop getting stuck in the "your a great guy" best friend shoulder to lean on zone?

I'm not gunna lie, getting out of the friend zone is extremely difficult, only because you put yourself there. When I think about it, there's not really much you can do to get out of the friend zone once you're already there because now it's not up to you anymore. You've created an image of yourself, and in her eyes, she can't see you in any other light than the one she's been seeing you in throughout your friendship. I don't have the answer for everything, and this is one of the cases. Trying to get out of the friends zone into something more than a purely platonic relationship runs the risk of ruining a friendship completely, because once she knows that you want something more than just a friendship, it could go one of two ways:

1. Turns out she likes you and you guys live happily ever after
2. She doesn't feel the same and now she feels the need to treat you differently because she doesn't want to make you like her or lead you on, and the ending result; it's awkward. And an awkward friendship isn't a friendship at all; the end.
   

BUT I can provide tips on how to prevent even entering the friend zone:

• Try to stray away from having her talk to you about other guys: This is what her GIRLFRIENDS are for, and guys that give advice to girls about other guys are just friends. If she likes you, she should be talking ABOUT you, not TO you; and how is she going to be thinking about you when she's too busy thinking about other guys and asking for your opinion about it.
• Confiding is different from complaining: When she's constantly updating you on her love life, rambling on about how great things are going, and giving you intimate details about it, she's confiding in you, and that's what she would normally do with her girlfriends, and that's a nogo. When she's coming to you only to complain about how a guy is a total asshole and when he treats her badly, it's different because in this case, she feels as though she's being neglected/mistreated, and she came to you to make her feel better, because like they say, if a girl isn't getting the kind of affection and treatment she wants, she can AND WILL find it elsewhere, and that's where you came in.

There's other stuff I would tell you, but those are girly secrets, and not for boys to hear!:]

Baby Do It Like Trey

No blog tonight, but this is worth taking my time out to post:



GOD DAMN Trey Songz, just about the hottest thing I've ever seen!

Players

Many may not realize that there are semi-distinctive differences between players and sluts. Sluts may not necessarily be players, and players may not necessarily be sluts. Sluts tend to be defined as loose or easy, and to some extent, may not have very high standards as to whom they choose to have sexual relations with. Players, however, they're different kind of peoples. Players are more selective with who they decide to prey on; they select only the best because they know they have what it takes to get what they want, and because they know they have that power, they abuse it. Now, real talk here, I gotta give it up to all my players out there, because ya'll know how to play the game, and that's what players do, they PLAY (Ladies, ya'll can be players too;]). Most people fail to see that being a player, in it's own way, truly is an art form. A pretty face can only get you so far; it takes character, wit, strategy, impressive use of word play, and just down right swagg, to be a true player. Players see what they want, and they know exactly what to do to get it; how? Because they understand the thought process of the typical male/female and they use that knowledge to their advantage; they play to win, not to lose.

Now, this is where the bad part of being a player kicks in. Let's be honest, players know they're players; they know that they can get what they want, and therefore they abuse it. It's typically guys that abuse it, and guys lemme tell you this: A reputation as a player is just as bad as a reputation as a slut. Yes, I do believe that being a player in it's own way is a good thing, because it means you're smart enough to play, HOWEVER, I believe in using the power for good, NOT EVIL. Using your power to your advantage is acceptable under circumstances in which your intentions are respectable, but abusing your power and just using it to hop into the pants of every fine piece of ass IS A NO-NO. Guys, no girl is going to trust a player, for the obvious reason, she thinks she's just another girl you're tryna play! Girls aren't that naive, so if we know you're a player, and you're tryna spit game, not gunna lie, it may work for a bit, but deep inside we know that it means nothing! So assuming that one day after you've finally decided to give up the game, and you find a nice girl worth sticking around for, and she knows what kind of guy you used to be, you just up and fucked yourself over because you abused your power and are now nothing more than a stereotype in her eyes. So all the cute shit you try doing for her, and all the sweet nothings you force feed her are now useless, because she's thinkin' you've probably done the same shit for every other girl you've ever played, and she's not going to be the one who knew better but let it happen to her anyway.

LADIES: Don't be afraid to play the game, but like I instructed the boys, don't abuse it. It's a good skill to have, but like I always say, everything's better in moderation;]

Do yo' thaaaaang;]

How to Reject a Guy

Today I received a question on my formspring asking for pointers on how to reject a guy, and I think it's safe to say we've all had our fair share of rejections, some less painful than others, but all together, it's an experience we'll all go through. Being rejected is one thing, but being the one to reject is another, so when I received this question, I knew I had to blog about it because I've witnessed a lot of painful rejections due to the lack of knowledge of how to handle such a situation. So I'm going to help my ladies out with some tips on how to keep it classy, and at the same time get your message across effectively when letting a guy down.

Question: "so how did u eggzactly reject him. cuz im dealing wit the same situation from a guy who i met at the beach that took me on a date. please tell me how u rejected him cuz i need some pointers on how to reject a guy guy but in a classy manner"

• "I'm focusing on school right now.": Girls, boys aren't THAT stupid, so throwing that excuse in their face ain't gunna cut it. I understand that when trying to turn down a guy in the nicest way possible, this probably is the easiest way to go, and to be honest, even I've used it. The truth of the matter is, is that everyone should know that if you like someone enough, you'll make it happen. Whether it's school, family, or some other personal issue, if that person means anything to you, you'll put in that extra effort to be with them.
  
• If you're not feelin' a guy that you've already been on a date with, don't be afraid to let him down, but let him down easy. Dating is to actively survey whether or not a specific individual is compatible to you, so if you've gone on a date and you just don't think that continuing relations with this person is going to work out, he should respect the fact that you just don't have that connection, as long as you're nice about it
• Keep it honest, classy, and get straight to the point: Most guys are kind of slow (sorry but it's true) so sometimes trying to throw out hints isn't going to be very effective. So as harsh as it may seem, sometimes you just gotta lay it out for them, BUT remember, no one likes a bitch, so keep it classy. Let him know that you may think he's a really nice guy, and that he's real cute and all, but you just don't see anything happening between you two, and that you'd rather be honest with him than have him waste his time on you.
  
• If he's blowin' up your phone: Ladies, I understand that when you don't want to talk to a guy, you just DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HIM. So if this guy is blowin' up your phone 24/7 try and be nice but at the same time try hinting to him that you just aren't feelin' him like that and you don't feel like texting him all day. Things like short and/or abrupt replies, "ending responses" (eg. fasho, mkay, alright, lol) basically things that you can't really continue a conversation with. But if this nigga STILL can't take a hint, as mean as it may sound, just stop replying, you can't beat around the bush forever, and nothing makes a more clearer statement than silence.
  
• GUYS, one worded/abrupt response texts MEAN SOMETHING: it means she doesn't want to talk to you, take a hint and give it up already! Shit gets annoying!
• When approached by a stranger: If a guy comes up to you, asking for your number, and you just really don't want to give it to him, please, by all means, be polite. It's bad enough being rejected, but being rejected and humiliated is a million times worse, as if being rejected doesn't already have humiliation all in itself. If a guy is tryna get your number, just smile and politely mention that he seems like a real sweet/nice guy, but you just don't give your number out to strangers.
  

Q&A

It's getting too late to blog like usual, plus I'm lazy, so I'm just going to answer another question someone asked me on my formspring that I thought some of my readers might find useful as well.

Question: "do you think girls can text a guy first all the time or will he get annoyed?"

Answer: I actually think it's good to text the guy first sometimes, but not all the time, because like I said in previous posts, everything is better in moderation. It's good to text him first sometimes to let him know that if he's as interested as you are, it's okay for him to hit you up, but not too much to the point where he just thinks you're annoying and overbearing. Trust me, if this guy likes you, or is even KINDA feelin' you, he'll be hittin' you up all the time anyway.

Can Boys and Girls Be "Best Friends"

I think it's safe to say that we've all had a "best friend" of the opposite gender. And a friend of mine requested that for my next topic I should discuss whether or not it's possible for a girl and a boy to be best friends without ruining that platonic relationship. The truth is: it's not. Simple as that, but what's not simple is what KIND of friendship you have with other person, and whether or not you're in a committed relationship.

If he's the kind of "best friend" that you hang out with one-on-one regularly, or talk to on the phone when you're bored, etc. that's a no go (unless you don't mind risking the possibility of falling for him, or vice versa). Basically, girls, it's when you treat him like you would a boyfriend because you're "comfortable" with him. You may not think you're doing it, but there kinda IS a reason why people always ask you if ya'll are dating.. OBVI! And if the pattern continues, there's no way in hell at least one of you isn't going to fall for the other. Feelings develop, it's inevitable, and spending THAT much time together makes it nearly impossible for the relationship to remain platonic.

On the flip side, there's the kind of "best friend" that has boundaries. This is the kind of friendship where, whether the guy likes it or not, he's stuck in the "friend zone". This is the "best friend" that you go to, to talk about OTHER guys. This is the guy you occasionally have lunch dates with where you update him on your love life. This is the guy you hit up to go shopping with you when your girls are busy; basically, girls, if the activities you two engage in together are that of which you would normally do with a girl friend, he's stuck so far in the friend zone, he's almost gay. This guy can also sometimes be referred to as your "brother." (and there's STILL a possibility that he's going to fall for you, even if you do see him as just a friend)

When you're in a relationship is when things begin to get complicated, only because when you see that you're not the only one in your boyfriends life, you begin to wonder where you stand, and that's when the insecurities begin to settle in. But there are signs that can help you determine whether or not your boyfriends best friend poses a threat to you and your relationship, here are a few:

• When you guys are hanging out, he's texting her
• When you guys get into a fight, he complains to her about you
• ****He seems to feel more comfortable confiding in her rather than you
• He hits her up to kick it one on one when he knows you're not doing anything
• He tries to hide it when he and his best friend kick it because he thinks you'll get mad
• He brings her up in random conversations
  

A relationship consists of two parts, and partnership and a friendship, so when your boyfriend is having an easier time confiding in another girl rather than his own girlfriend, that friendship is no longer there, and neither is that trust that comes with it. Instead, it has moved its way over to his "best friend", and that's when you need to start worrying.


*This applies to boys as well, I just used girls as an example...cus I'm a girl, it's just easier LOL

Balance of Power

In the continuous struggle for power, ladies, I'm sorry to have to say that we're losing. When I say power, I don't mean power in the real world, I mean emotional power; power in a relationship. Whether you're just dating or in a full blown relationship, it seems like the little games we play never go away, and as much as we want to say that the games begin to fade once the relationship starts getting serious, it doesn't.

Girls are emotional creatures, and guys easily play off our emotions because we let them. They know little tricks to play and little things to say that they KNOW will get under our skin and get a reaction out of us. When it comes down to it, it really is about who caves first, it's about the one who cares enough about the relationship to yield to the other person. It really is true what they say: the person who cares less holds more power. Girls, we need power! And the truth is, is that no guy can take power from you, you give it to him, and whether it's knowingly or not, it's happening. Ideally, there should be an equal balance of power within the relationship, but that's not the case in some situations. Because we're so emotional, it's easier for us to trip over things that they do, and like I mentioned in the post "The Secret" for some reason it makes us like them more.

Ex.: Have you ever been in a situation where your boyfriend/the guy you're dating does something that he expects will make you mad (eg. Blows you off), but he "does it by accident", then when you don't get mad, he's mad that you're not mad! Then you're like WTF mate did you WANT me to be mad??

*Point: Yes, he did want you to be mad, because when you're mad, he wins because you're trippin', and trippin' is an indication that you care, and when you care it means you like him, and it shows, and when you show it, you give him power; and what is it that we all want? POWER. And bitch, you just gave it to him!

So, how do we gain power back? Stop caring, or at least act like it, because chances are if this guy likes you enough, he's going to see that you don't care, and he's gunna start trippin' himself, and he's going to make it his mission to MAKE you care, and what happens when he's trippin'? He's giving you power, and that's a goood thing;]

And to all my ladies out there who "play it like a guy" kudos to you, cus you know how to play the game;]

Playing it like a guy is basically everything I mentioned above, but the roles are switched so that the girl is the "guy in the relationship"

How to Approach a Girl in a Puplic Place

Yesterday, someone on formspring came to me for advice on how to approach a girl in a public place, and I decided to blog about it because there's a good chance that other guys would like to know too:

Question: "Hey Ive been reading your blogs. i have a question, how should a guy approach a girl they see that appeals to them in places like the mall or the street. thank =)"

So, let me first bring up an example, then the advice will follow.

A few months ago, I was approached in a parking lot as I was leaving the gym. A guy ran up to me and asked me, very politely, if I would be willing to go on a date with him. At first I said no, but this guy was such a gentleman, and asked so sweetly and genuinely that I felt like he deserved a chance. He eventually persuaded me to agree, so I gave him my number and we ended up going on a date two weeks later. Let me just mention that this guy wasn't a super good looking guy either, so it wasn't his looks that convinced me to go out with him, it was purely due to the manner in which he approached me. Plus, it takes a lot of courage just to walk up to a girl knowing the risk of being turned down, and doing it anyway.

The reason I mentioned the example above was to show you guys that you can approach a girl you don't know and there's always a chance she might respond positively if you play your cards right. Of course not all girls are nice, and there are some out there who'll be a bitch about it, but in a larger sense, most girls will try to be polite about it, and the worst they can do, really, is say no. So, with that in mind, here comes the advice portion:

How to approach a girl in a public place:

• Don't blatantly holler: Yelling things like "damn, ma" or "hey sexy" is not going to get you anywhere. No girl is going to respond positively to a guy that she thinks is just looking at her like a piece of meat. Plus it's just rude and disrespectful.
• Don't be cocky about it: If you're a good-looking guy who knows he can get a girl, don't be comin up to us with that kind of attitude like you already know we're going to say yes. You already have your looks, so don't ruin it with your personality, because chances are, even if we do think you're cute, we'll say no just because we don't want to give you the satisfaction.
• Be polite: Enough said.
• It's okay to be nervous, and show it: Real talk, if a girl sees how nervous you are when you approach her, her first reaction is going to be to smile, I guarantee it; first off because she's flattered that she makes you nervous in that way, and second of all.. that shit's pretty damn cute, not gunna lie. And even though we see that you're nervous, we know that it takes a lot of courage and confidence to approach us
  
• DO NOT get your friends to holler for you: Seriously, stuff like that is so junior high, and it makes you look like a coward that can't handle his business. If you want to get a girl, man up and do it yourself, and trust me, we'll respect that you've got enough balls to walk up to a girl and put yourself out there like that
  
• Throw in a few subtle compliments: Every girl likes compliments, so if you think she's pretty, don't be afraid to let her know, but emphasis on the word subtle. Don't shower her with compliments and continuously tell her how gorgeous you think she is, because truth is, it's cheesy, and it makes you look desperate and dramatic.
  
• Don't give up right away: If you approach the girl, and the first thing you say to her is "Hi, I think you're pretty, can I get your number?" I'm not gunna lie, unless you're God's gift to women, there's a good chance we'll either be hesitant to say yes or just say no all together. But don't give up right away, sell it! Make her feel like if she agrees, she won't be tied down to anything, that it's completely casual and that you're the kind of guy worth getting to know. Like I mentioned in my example, when the guy asked me out the first time, I said no, but he was able to change my mind by doing almost everything I mentioned above!
  
• Know when to give up: If you've tried your best, was a complete gentleman, and she still says no, don't push it. Keep it classy, thank her for her time and just walk away, sorry, maybe next time:T
  

Sluts

So a lot of people that have been reading my blog suggested that for my next topic I should talk about sluts; they didn't quite specify what exactly they meant by that, but apparently sluts are interesting? So, let me begin by clarifying that the word slut is HIGHLY over used these days and is taken out of context in most situations it's used in. So, as usual, to make it easier to read I'm going to break it down into a list of what classifies a slut and what doesn't; and we're off!

OH! But first, let me just mention that a slut can be a BOY OR A GIRL. It's a total double-standard that girls get looked down upon for doing things that a guy gets praised for. A slut is a slut, and a slut, by definition is anyone who is sexually promiscuous.

• A girl who has sex with her boyfriend and only her boyfriend is not a slut: It's only when she's having sex with her boyfriend, but is bangin four other guys on the side; or when she has multiple boyfriends, one after the other within a short period of time, and is hittin ALLA that, is it appropriate for her to be classified as a slut.
• If you make out with a lot of people, IT COUNTS: Just because you're not having intercourse, it doesn't mean you're not displaying slutty behavior. Let's just say, whether it's cookies or cake you're passin around town, either way, everyone within the tri-state area is gettin' a little somethin' somethin'
• Some girls are "too nice", but most girls just use it as an excuse: Look, being "too nice" is just a nicer way of being classified as easy. Look at it this way, if a guy can easily ask you to perform sexual favors for him, and you're "too nice" to say no, you're easy. Sorry, I know it sucks to hear, but it is what it is. Like really, if you wanna be nice, walk him to his car or something, don't dome him up once you get there
  
• Oral and manual sex counts as sex: Again, just because his penis doesn't enter your vagina, doesn't mean it doesn't count. Giving out free handjobs is just as bad as having promiscuous sex
• A reputation as a slut never goes away: I know it sucks, and when it comes to this, people can change, but a reputation as a slut will forever haunt you unless you meet someone who knows nothing about your promiscuous past. People talk, and most people these days can't keep a secret, so if you domed up Alejandro in the bathroom at Jack in the Box during his lunch break last week, I guarantee that everyone and their mom has already heard about it. Something about "sluts", everyone is always so concerned about what they're up to, so be aware that if you do something, people are going to talk about it, and when you do finally meet that special person that makes you want to change your ways, he's going to hear about it, and it's going to make it a lot harder for him to trust you, or like you, or in some cases.. respect you. I know it sucks to hear, but I personally know people who've gone through it, and you can't imagine the pain and regret that they go through because of their past slutty mistakes.
  
• Guys can be classified as sluts too, and in the long run they're worse off: This is referring to the bullet point above. Look, bottom line is, is that no girl wants a slut for a boyfriend. Sure those kind of boys are fun to mess around with, but no girl really takes them seriously because we don't trust them. For some odd reason, guys don't mind dating a "slutty" girl as much as girls mind dating a "slutty" boy, idk, it's weird. So if you're a slutty guy that's finally found "the one" that's going to make you change your ways, but she has a hard time believing that you'll really change, you're going to get your heart broken, and you're going to have no one else to blame but yourself. Sorry:[
  
• Being a slut doesn't necessarily make you a bad person: Just because a slut might have an "overly healthy sexual appetite," and may have "little less than strong values" doesn't mean that he/she is an evil or corrupt being. A slut's just a slut, so be it.
  
• If you know a slut, don't call her out on it, even if it's just a joke: Alright, so really, calling someone out on being a slut especially in public is just plain rude (This mostly happens, though, in a joking manner.) If a girl is a slut, chances are she probably knows, but being called out on it can really offend her. To be honest, in my opinion, she has no right to be offended, she put it on herself. But imagine if you were overweight and someone kept throwing fat jokes in your face, like seriously, how much would that hurt you. And what's worse, is that she can't even defend herself, cus it's true! So yeah, if you know one, just keep your comments to yourself, it's just polite.

P.S. I just used girls as an example in most of the bullet points, but this applies to guys too.

Boys: Girl Advice?

So the other day, a friend of mine mentioned that he had been reading my blogs and suggested that for my next topic I should advise guys on "how to get girls." To be honest, I'm no relationship expert, I've never even been in a real relationship. I'm just another girl with her own thoughts and opinions, and whether or not you choose agree or disagree with them is beyond my control. I speak my mind, and express myself in a manner that assumes that others share the same views as me, and if you don't, so be it. When I first started this blog, I thought it'd be just another random blog where I just talk about nonsense that only a few of my close friends would even bother to read; but to my surprise, it's turned into something I hadn't expected. So what started as random thoughts has turned into.. something else?

So imma help my nigga out and blog some advice, not necessarily on how to get girls, but just some suggestions that could possibly strengthen your chances with a girl you may be tryna get at, let's see how this goes!

• Be yourself!: I know you might hear this all the time, but it's true! Trust me, girls know when a guy is puttin up a front, tryna be something he's not. Embrace who you are and use it to your advantage. If you're a nice guy, BE a nice guy! Don't think that girls like bad boys so you should try acting like one, cus the second you stop being yourself, we can tell right away that something's not right.
• Don't play too many games: Games are, in a way, good at the beginning, but if you play too long, the girl is going to get tired of the same old shit and give up on you cus she thinks you're too complicated (and vice versa)
• Be a gentleman: These days, gentlemen are really hard to find, so doing little things like opening her door, pulling out her seat, offering to pay, or offering to drive really makes you stand out amongst other guys. But be genuine about it. Being a gentleman isn't just something you do when you're trying to get at a girl, then once you get her you give up; it's a lifestyle. Sure, after a while opening doors and whatnot gets tiring, and we won't expect you guys to do it all the time. But being a gentleman should be in your nature, which means treating your girl with respect, and not just YOUR girl, but any girl. And when a girl sees that you know how to treat a lady, that's a MAJOR turn-on. (I personally know a guy like this, and he's soo genuine; I would date him in a second)
  
• Don't over do it: Okay, real shit, I know there's a lot of guys out there who try WAY too hard to impress girls. Whether it's buy showering her with gifts, compliments, or over-playing the "gentleman card." We can tell when a guy is trying too hard, and to be honest, it's a turn-off. Just play it cool, and chances are we'll like the fact that it doesn't seem like you're trying to rush into anything
• Don't be blowin' up their phone 24/7: Okay, it's nice that ya'll are tryna talk to us and stuff, but we have lives of our own, and you texting us all the time is kind of a turn-off cus it makes you seem clingy, and it's a lot easier to get annoyed of you when you're always talkin to us about random shit. Give us some time to miss you! I guarantee that if she likes you enough and you guys haven't talked in a while, she'll end up caving and texting you anyway.
• Be careful what you say: If ya'll are in the super early stages of talking, like you guys kinda almost just left the friend zone, hold off on saying stuff like "I miss you" or "I really wanna see you" especially if you're not at least 90% sure she likes you back, cus if you do, there's a good chance she might be sayin "woah, what's going on" in her head, and you might scare her away
• Don't joke about sensitive things: Even if you think it's just a joke, you never know that the topic you bring up might hit close to home. Things like religion, weight, her past, etc. are probably not good things to joke about, cus it might blow up in your face. Depending on the girl of course, and your prior relationship with her.
• Be spontaneous!: I'm not sure about other girls, but I know that at least for me, spontaneity is something I look for in a guy. I want someone that's down to have a good time, and isn't afraid to surprise me or be surprised. But of course, everything is better in moderation;]
  
• Don't over analyze their actions (this applies to girls too): Just because a girl says something or does something that MAYBE could be a sign that she likes you, doesn't mean she meant it that way, so just be careful, but if those signs are consistent, then maybe she's trying to tell you something
• Play it cool: It works; just trust me on this one. No girl wants a guy that seems too eager to get into anything, or at least I don't; it makes you seem kinda desperate.
• Don't be afraid to hit her up first: Trust me, if we're even KINDA feelin' you, we really do want you guys to hit us up. Don't be scared that she doesn't want to talk to you, cus you'll never know until you try. (Oh, and if she really doesn't want to talk to you, you'll know within the first few texts, and if that's the case, you should just stop. LOL sorry, maybe next time:T)

Well, that's all I can really think of at the moment, but I hope it helps? If not, I'm sorry, I tried hahah